In a cavalier attempt at sounding humane, the agency looking to fill the summer internship also listed several ways in which the unpaid position offered “invaluable life experience”.
“Well technically all experience is life experience,” an insider at the agency (who wished to remain nameless) explained. “Especially the kind where you’re figuratively beaten into submission on a daily basis and expected to be grateful for it. You know, the kinds of skills that’ll take these kids far once they enter the real workforce.”
To divert the attention away from the fact that the position offers no other compensation than the alleged “free snacks”, the charitable agency made several references to the “open and fun atmosphere” of the office. Upon inspection of the premises, this was revealed to be two dusty beanbag chairs that sit neglected in an awkward corner next to a stack of outdated industry publications.
The three-paragraph posting went on to describe the ideal candidate as “a motivated team-player” with a “thirst for knowledge”.
“We’re looking for a real self-starter here.” said Human Resources manager Kelly Bagerman, “Someone with a can-do attitude who’s willing to go the extra mile for nothing more than a few measly pretzels and the occasional stale donut.”
Company head Roger Booth boasted the great opportunity as being a key launching point in these young people’s careers. “We even give all our slav-I mean interns a pre-written letter of recommendation upon completion of the 9-week laborious contract.” In a fit of humour, the altruistic humanitarian joked, “Really, they should be paying us!”
The position’s duties, which include loading paper trays on the printers and fetching office coffee orders, were conveniently absent from the posting.